kauainightdrive

I overheard this from the girl behind me while at a Friday the thirteenth triple feature (not Friday-the-13th themed, just ON Friday the thirteenth):

"She didn't just pee on the sidewalk like I would.  She like, *explosively* peed on the sidewalk.  She was like 'Grrrrrr.'  It was scary."

kauainightdrive

"I prefer the pen.  I totally dig it out and *fart noise with her mouth* .  It's pretty gross actually.  Kind of like landscaping."
-One of my coworkers. 

"I am buried in yogurt and whole milk....no one is going to want it because it's been tainted by dairy."
-Some other coworker

"Drug induced reanimation..."
-Still yet a different coworker.

kauainightdrive

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amused

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"Meet me later, Wobbly Face"

"I am in Portugal eating spaghetti with the family.  They are all dead."

My roommate talking into his cellphone in his room.  And I don't mean talking on the phone, I mean holding the phone up to his mouth like a microphone.